


By Far The Most Volatile

by zephyrprince



Category: Glee
Genre: Canon - TV, Canon Gay Character(s), Canon LGBTQ Character, Canon Queer Character(s), Closeted Character(s), Coming Out, English language, Fellatio, First Time, Gay Character(s), Gay Male Character, High School, Jewish Character, Jewish Gay Character(s), Jewish Queer Character(s), M/M, Non-Canon Gay Character(s), Non-Canon Queer Character(s), Ohio, Queer Character(s), Romance, Season/Series 01, Slash, US Source, Yuletide, Yuletide 2009
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-20
Updated: 2009-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-04 17:47:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zephyrprince/pseuds/zephyrprince
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The boys who were dealing with doubts and even full blown self-hatred were by far the most volatile...<br/>Happy holidays 2009 to strifechaos!</p>
            </blockquote>





	By Far The Most Volatile

**Author's Note:**

  * For [strifechaos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/strifechaos/gifts).



> Written for strifechaos for Yuletide2009. Prompt: Puck tried so hard not to like him, that smart mouthed little queen, but he couldn't help but find him compelling, couldn't help wanting Kurt to really see him and want him. Happy ending please!
> 
> Four lines in the third section are from season one, episode ten, "Ballad" by Brad Falchuk.

Of course Noah had known Kurt Hummel before he joined glee club. He slammed into the little queen in the hallways. He threw him in dumpsters and generally tormented him every chance he got. This is why everyone else found their recently changed relationship shocking – shocking because the intense hatred had all but subsided. What they didn't understand was that the intensity had never really been hatred and it was very much still there as it had always been. Before, its manifestations had been hateful because how else could it have come out?

For the most part, Puck's feelings were born of curiosity. He was fixated on the little faggot. Kurt was so boldly himself, so obviously gay even before he started opening up about it specifically. The reality of all the times he had antagonized him was really that it was the only socially acceptable context in which they could interact. It was the only way Puck could get a closer look at the object of his fascination. It allowed them to be together.

Noah, himself, had not yet quite connected all these dots. Partly out of sheer bafflement and partly out of intense will, he could not see that he shared a common identity with Kurt. I mean sure, there had been clues – clues leading to moments of doubt. In the nights he spent on the internet beating off to porn, he never strayed to gay sites or videos, but if he was being honest, he did pay just a bit more attention to the guys on screen than he'd like to admit.

He'd even acted on these compulsions, certainly in small ways – smacking the other football boys' butts in the locker room, commenting on comparative dick sizes in the shower (Finn especially hated that one). But in big ways too like when he facilitated the loss of Mike's V-card. Taking his goofy buddy's dick in his fist and guiding it into those wanting labia, he passed it off as an action for shock value but he watched intently the facial contortions made not by the blond female but by his dark-headed friend as the warm folds enveloping his virgin dickmeat.

After all of that, though, he still hadn't quite gotten it. He still didn't think he liked other dudes. All he knew was that he had a constant and often irritating obsession with Kurt. How annoying... He sat in math class trying to work through a trig proof and all he could think about was that little narrow butt, his bright rosy cheeks, and that shrill obnoxious voice. He was getting himself angry and clenched his pencil tight.

"After this class..." he thought to himself. After that class, he resolved to kick it old school. He'd find that little twerp and stuff him in his over-decorated locker...

The pencil snapped in his hands.

~*~*~

For Kurt's part, he had mostly maintained a healthy fear of Puck, but he could tell which way the wind was blowing. This wasn't the first time Kurt Hummel had attracted the attention of an unsuspecting closeteer. You could always tell by the look in their eyes right after they slammed you up against the wall. Just before they dropped you to the floor and sauntered off, there was a moment of eye contact – a split-second deep penetrating look. The meatheads just fucked with him on impulse, never really paying attention to who he was. After all, they didn't really care. It was about power, not homophobia, but every once in a while, there would be one who would look, really look at him and a deeper connection was made.

It was in those moments that the tables were turned. Kurt knew that what these boys really wanted wasn't the pleasure of causing someone else pain or a reaffirmation of their social status. What they really sought were answers. How could I be like you? How can you stand this? How can I ever live my life so open? And even though he was forced to experience physical hurt now, and even though high school favored his nemeses, Kurt knew that these boys had a long, hard road ahead of them, a lifetime of denial that he would never have to face.

Unfortunately, of course, knowing there were those among his cohorts who were also struggling with their sexuality was hardly a boon. Far from providing the kind of community he had always longed for, being on the receiving end of these twisted crushes put him in more danger than anything else. The boys who were dealing with doubts and even full blown self-hatred were by far the most volatile. But that all changed when Puck joined glee.

For most of the kids, it was the most unexpected turn of events yet when Puck walked into the practice room. Finn had identified this teammate and former best friend as his primary tormentor for joining the club and anyway everyone knew he was an asshole.   
But Kurt wasn't stunned; he was interested. And in him began to grow a small suspicion that things with Noah Puckerman might be turning around.

~*~*~

"Okay, so here's our assignment for the week. I'm gonna pair you off, and I want you to pick a ballad to sing to your partner. Look them right in the eye, find the emotion you want to express and make them feel it," Mr. Schue announced at the beginning of class.

"I pick Quinn," Finn said stupidly with the blonde cheerleader cuddled up against his shoulder.

"No no no no no no, too easy. Your partners will be chosen by fate. I put all your names in this hat. Whoever you choose is your partner. Who's up first?"

Kurt cocked an eyebrow, thinking this had potential even if the likelihood of getting matched with one of the boiz he wanted was pretty slim. His mind turned for a moment elsewhere.

"I hope I don't get Rachel," he thought, glancing in her direction, but his attention was immediately recaptured by the front of the room when Puck got up, cockily moving towards the piano. In the back of his mind, he dared not hope for what could happen next.

Puck unfolded his piece of paper, "What the fuck?"

"The fates have spoken, Puck. Who is it?" the overenthusiastic teacher asked, clapping his hands and hunching over.

The class giggled and clambered. Kurt held his breath and maintained composure.

"Kurt."

~*~*~

Half an hour later in the auditorium, Noah shifted around in his seat, uneasily staring at the object of his uncomfortable fascination. Kurt was rambling on, hitting the high points of the history of ballads in American musical theater. The little queen didn't even seem fazed by this situation. Clearly Noah had gotten soft on that bitch over the last few months if Kurt had been able to shed his frightened respect for the jock.

As Noah thought about all the good times they'd had with everyone else in glee – goofing off, practicing, singing extemp, gossiping – he started to get upset at himself. Why had he let his guard down? Why had he acted like he was friends with any of these losers, especially a flaming queer?

"…and really we owe so much to Gilbert and Sullivan even though I don't find their…" Noah stood up suddenly, cutting Kurt off. He stared down on the boy still sitting with his legs cross, wrists folded on his lap. The vein in his forehead was throbbing. Sweat was pouring off his brow.

Without thinking, Noah leaned over and put his hands around Kurt's neck starting to squeeze just a bit.

The look on Kurt's face was frightened but in a quick moment the shock melted to understanding and his face began moving slowly forward. Noah looked into those wide, green eyes, still completely unsure what was happening. His gaze darted around the room. He squeezed harder, but before he knew it, Kurt's lips were touching his face, touching his lips.

The two were locked in a kiss, Kurt's moist mouth moving softly against Noah's, and in that moment, everything else fell away around him. He became numb and a switch flipped on his brain, sending his body on some kind of autopilot.

He recognized that he was now kissing back and furiously so, moving even his tongue into Kurt's mouth to dance along his perfect white teeth. His hands had dropped from the boy's neck and now grasped at his hips, pulling him into a standing position, right up against his larger frame.

They kissed for a long moment, but before Noah allowed himself to return from this pure impulse, he moves his face down, kissing all along Kurt's neck, nibbling at his shoulders, moving fast with the desperation of fulfilling a desire he still wanted to deny.

Kurt moaned and the scene turned quickly from strange and passionate to strained and over-sexed. Kurt's hand flew up to the fly on Noah's jeans, pressing in on his throbbing cock. Noah gasped, and pulled Kurt's shirt up in one swift motion to plant his lips on the boy's small nipple. If he didn't have much experience in this area, he at least knew what to do to a chest. He rolled his tongue in a circle over the areola and bit down slightly, nipping the tiny protruding teat.

Kurt slipped his hands into Noah's pants, fumbling through the small opening in the front of his boxerbriefs finally finding his prize. His hand palmed the heavy testicles, and Noah involuntarily gave an intense shudder. He'd been touched there innumerable times but it had never felt like this. What once was a distant mono recording, burst forth in full stereo as this feminine but unmistakably boyish hand explored the details of his manhood.

As Noah sensed that he'd soon be no longer able to dampen his awareness of what was happening, and in a moment of anxiety ripped off Kurt's belt and flung his pants and briefs to the floor, throwing himself down on his knees as they went. The boy's penis snapped up, hitting his abdomen as it came. Noah leaned down taking Kurt's head full in his mouth, but soon met with a moment of panic as he tasted the moving rolls of foreskin that somehow made this even more unfamiliar such that he could no longer deny the situation.

That was the breaking point. That was enough to snap him back to reality. The penis that stuck out in front of his face was so different from his own which only brought the fact more perfectly into focus that it was, indeed, not his own. It was another man's. A boy's really. A boy he supposedly hated. A boy he beat up at least once a week for being the way that he, himself, was.   
Noah sat back, impeded by the jeans around his ankle and his now half-mast dick protruding from the y-front of his grey underwear. He looked up at Kurt whose expectant, excited face changed to fear above him.

Noah closed his eyes and breathed in. He fought it for a moment, but soon couldn't help what was coming though it made him feel even worse if that was at all possible.

He leaned over and pushed his face into his hands. He sobbed. He wept great tears and moaned almost inaudibly thinking about everything he'd been unable to face and everything he could no longer ignore.

He cried for what felt like hours, but couldn't have been more than a minute before Kurt's naked body pushed up behind his back and he felt small, warm arms envelope him.

A face pressed to his cheek, the other boy's body rocking him lightly back and forth.

"It's okay," he said.

Noah couldn't take his hands from his face. Kurt's touch only intensified the shame he felt.

"I'm sorry," he managed to choke out, and he hoped that Kurt understood that he meant for everything, for the years of torment.

Noah heard other sobs begin from beside him. They were both crying. Noah twisted to return his embrace, but pushed his face into Kurt's shoulder, not daring to look him in the eye. He cried harder as Kurt clutched his head.

"It's okay. It's okay now."


End file.
